God Bless America Land That I Love....

One Summer Weekend

Last weekend Corbie and 3 friends went to experience "Wine Country" and taste the fermented fruits of the Napa Valley. (I'm sure the motivation was connected to free booze but what do I know?) Robert was at a tournament in Park City playing the only "Real Sport" any "Real Man" should play, Rugby. (Anything else is just child's play.) Therefore I was blessed with entertaining Cale (11), Morgan (7) and Ryan (3).

We started out at Cale's soccer tournament where his team was victorious taking home the first place trophy. After that we headed to Wheeler Farm to attend the annual "Kids Fest" and ride a few rides. Next was the Coalville County Fair which was definitely the highlight for Ryan. Last and certainly not the highlight of the weekend was staying at a cabin where we roasted marshmallows in an open pit. Not one of them liked roasting or eating those delicious morsels. So as soon as the bugs started dive bombing at us, we called it a night and went inside. My darling citified grand kids were grateful to be inside with their Nintendo DS, computer and their DVDs. However the bugs would have been better than the hell that broke loose inside. Cale, bless his heart, got sick barely making it to the bathroom which may have been the best thing that happened because from that point it was all down hill.

Since the TV was down in the living room we decided we would camp out there and watch a movie. I of course was sound asleep before my head hit the pillow only to be awakened by Cale throwing up on Morgan's sleeping bag. (This was to be the first of several up chucking episodes through out the night.) I immediately jumped out of bed setting my feet upon what felt like frozen ground. It was very cold so I found a small space heater to use and then re-bundled Morgan and Cale with extra blankets. I stayed awake for an hour or more making sure it was warming up (hoping we could all avoid frost bite) and making sure Cale was a sleep.

I finally dosed off but within minutes or so it seemed Cale threw up again, on the blanket on top of his sleeping bag. Again I got up to help him and clean up. The temperature was climbing it was cold but at least we couldn't see our breath.

I found a pan for Cale to use should this happen again. Staying awake for another hour or so I watched my darling little boy fall asleep before the Sandman closed my eyes. As I was closing my eyes and slipping into sleep; again I was brought back to consciousness by Cale throwing up one more time. I thought thank goodness I gave him the pan but much to my dismay when I opened my eyes he had thrown up on his sleeping bag not in the pan. What a blessing it was the last clean up.

About 5:00am the cabin was warm the kids were sound asleep and as I was dosing off I thought, "I'm not good as the entertainment committee".

Funnies

I received this today in an e-mail and almost peed my pants laughing. Hope it makes you laugh too!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8Th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

Memorial Day is one of the Holidays which finds me walking down memory lane and grateful for the walk. It brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face simultaneously.

Years ago my grandmother asked if I would go with her and Grandpa on their Memorial Day cemetery route. This amounted to cleaning around the headstones of all of Grandma's relatives, even those she never knew. (I was grateful Grandpa's family was in Arkansas and California or one day would never have been enough.)

On that particular Memorial Day Grandma was showing signs of age and I know she wanted me to pick up the torch and take over for her. Unfortunately Grandpa had the final words with regards to my choice. As we watched Grandma shuffle over to her parents' headstone, he said to me, "You know Carol I have been doing this every Memorial Day for over 50 years. Your Grandma is hoping you will continue the tradition and I am telling you don't. Memorial Day was created for fallen soldiers and it has turned into a florist's payday. When I die don't bother I won't be here, I'll be around but it won't be here."

For the record I don't totally agree with Grandpa, however I haven't been back to their grave site. There are times I feel Grandma is probably a bit disappointed but I know Grandpa is grateful I took his advice. He was correct they are around; they just aren't there.

However yesterday my trek down memory lane was picture laden as I searched for a picture of G & G Corbie wanted. While I rummaged through boxes I came across so many pictures of Grandpa and Corbie together. Absent from the photos was Grandma, the photographer, who always made sure she had plenty of photos of those two.
Now years later as I cry my way through these pictures the only way I can think of thanking Grandma is to at least go clean off their headstone and leave behind a few Irises and Roses her flowers for this day.

Grandpa will probably smile as he tells Grandma, "You know I told her never to do this don't you? So why do you suppose this year she is doing it? I bet she is getting soft in her old age."

Well, Grandpa I may be getting soft, but the truth is it is just a small token of my appreciation for all you both did for me.

Oh, and thanks for all the wonderful memories,

Love Always,
Carol

Change is Coming Hold on to Your Wallet

How can you borrow your way out of debt? How exactly does that work? There must be a glitch in my thinking; I have yet to grasp how you rob Peter, pay Paul and everyone comes out on top. It seems to me that while Paul is feasting on his good luck Peter will then struggle to keep his head above water and the robber/debtor still owes money. Isn't that like a Ponzi Scheme? For some reason I see it more as a pathway to bankruptcy or worse prison. Of course I'm not an accountant or an attorney so I may be ill informed. However if you knowingly spend money you don't have or money that belongs to someone else I think it is considered criminal behavior. Unfortunately I have first hand knowledge of people going to jail for this type of behavior (they may have been my friends). So how could anyone think this type of economics could bring about positive change?

Nevertheless I am willing to give it a try. I would like all of my family, friends and acquaintances to invest their hard earned dollars with me. (Keeping in mind it is just an investment.) I promise to invest it in what I think will bring about the most change (as in coin). When I think your investment has run it's course I will let you know the outcome of change (as in difference) it made.

You can rest assure I will treat your money as if it were my own. I will spend it wisely on what I think is necessary to bring about the change needed (in my life). While you patiently wait for your change (coin) to come. It won't take long before you will see the benefit of your investment. It will make me happy, rich and filled with love and gratitude for all my investors. There will be such a nice change in me how could anyone refuse to invest?

If you are interested in great change, please send me your money immediately. I promise I won't let you down, I'm positive change will come.